Arguments don’t have to end in damage. Whether you're someone who yells, shuts down, over-explains, or spirals later—there’s a way to stay present, protect your relationships, and reduce regret after the fact.
The DBT skill GIVE is designed to help you keep the conversation respectful and real—even in conflict. It’s one of the most helpful tools for managing intense emotions while still being heard.
Why GIVE Skills Work (Especially if You Have ADHD, BPD Traits, or Anxiety):
✓ Reduces emotional reactivity – Helps you focus on connection, not control
✓ Supports self-respect and values – You can stand your ground without burning it down
✓ Builds stronger relationships – Empathy and calm tone reduce defensiveness and shutdowns
Try This Step-by-Step: How to Use GIVE in an Argument
1. G = Be Gentle
Speak kindly and avoid criticism or blame.
Say: “I want to understand this better.”
Avoid: “You always…” or “This is your fault.”
2. I = Act Interested
Use body language and tone that shows you care about their side—even if you don’t agree.
Nod, make eye contact (if safe), stay present.
Avoid crossing arms, eye rolling, or mentally rehearsing your comeback.
3. V = Validate
Let them know their feelings are real and make sense from their perspective.
Say: “That sounds really frustrating,” or “I can see how that would upset you.”
This helps de-escalate even high-intensity moments.
4. E = Use an Easy Manner
Stay calm, open, and if it feels right—add lightness or humour.
Take a deep breath before responding.
You’re allowed to smile, even during conflict.
When to Use GIVE:
During arguments where emotions feel intense
When you’re trying to repair trust
When someone you care about feels defensive or distant
When you want to speak honestly without escalating things
This Isn’t About Being a Doormat. It’s About Communicating With Integrity.
GIVE helps you say what you need to say without letting emotions hijack the moment. You’re not avoiding hard truths—you’re delivering them in a way that creates space for healing, not harm.
Want help practicing this in real time?
Elara can walk you through GIVE step-by-step—just type “Help me with GIVE” and describe the situation.