When I’m in shame, everything in my body tells me to disappear.
Ghost everyone. Cancel plans. Pull the blanket over my head and scroll until I’m numb.
Sometimes that’s what I need.
But other times? It just feeds the loop.
Opposite Action is a DBT skill I wish I’d known earlier—because it gave me a choice. Not a magic fix. Not a forced positivity thing. Just… a crack in the wall of avoidance. Enough to let light in.
What Opposite Action Means (And Why It Helps):
Your emotions have urges. Sadness tells you to hide. Anger says lash out. Fear tells you to run.
But just because the emotion feels true doesn’t mean the urge is helpful.
Opposite Action teaches you to do the opposite of what the emotion is urging—but only if the emotion isn’t effective for the moment you’re in.
It’s not about ignoring your feelings. It’s about gently interrupting the spiral they’ve got you in.
Why This Works (Even If It Feels Impossible at First):
✓ Interrupts emotional inertia – Doing the opposite shifts your nervous system.
✓ Restores a sense of control – You’re not just reacting—you’re choosing.
✓ Small actions = big relief – You don’t have to flip your whole mood. Just take one step.
Try This When You Feel Stuck:
Emotions | Urge | Opposite Action |
|---|---|---|
Sadness | Isolate | Text someone. Sit near people. Move your body. |
Shame | Hide | Make eye contact. Say the thing. Take up space. |
Anxiety | Avoid | Take the first step. Take up space. |
Anger | Attack/Withdraw | Use a soft voice. Listen Instead. Walk away, gently instead. |
Pick one. Practice. Watch what happens. You might feel resistance at first—but underneath that is usually relief.
Here’s How It Helped Me:
I remember one afternoon, I was in a shame spiral so deep I couldn’t look at anyone. I’d said something dumb in a group and convinced myself I ruined everything.
My brain told me: “Go home. Don’t talk. You mess everything up.”
Instead, I stayed.
I didn’t say much. But I stayed in the room. I breathed through it. I made eye contact with one person. That was enough to stop the shame from running the whole day.
Try Opposite Action When…
You feel stuck in emotional shutdown
You’re spiralling in guilt or shame
You want to isolate, but secretly want connection
You know your emotion is real—but not useful right now
You don’t need to feel better before you take action.
Sometimes action comes first—and the shift follows.
Ask Elara to help you find an Opposite Action for whatever emotion you're in. She’ll walk you through it with kindness and no pressure.